Thanks to all who contributed for our collective laughs. If you have school anecdotes of your own, please shoot them to me in an email for inclusion.
_____________________
Mr Jacob, the Science Teacher (he was among the first to step out of Kerala into deadly Delhi): We soon came to know that he was green behind the ears where pedagogy was concerned. He could not control the class, and became the victim of many pranks: a brand new navy blue suit of his soon had a fascinating design of chalk dust picked up from the wicker chair meant for the teacher. The chalk duster was dabbed on the chair and we engaged him in scientific discussions that he sat down to explain only to be a victim of mischief; not forgetting the chalk dust being scraped on his baldness. He was also the brother-in-Law of Mrs Thomas (Senior School Science Teacher).
I was a victim of Mrs Thomas’ wrath when in the Science Lab, Benny Carvalho picked up my test paper immediately after I showed it to her and he presented it as his own. She had a good memory and recalled having seen this paper sometime ago, and Benny and I got the biggest lecture on morals and religion. Of course the word went out to Mr Thomas and all others in local dialect. She was almost in tears that day – Benny and I murdered her trust in Catholic boys that day.
Now was it Mr Menezes or Mr Mascarenas who punished the boys by trying to pull out great tufts of hair from where our beards were scheduled to grow in later years (just near the ears)?
Anybody got any interesting anecdotes on Chairath (he taught us English Literature) – all I heard last that he had embarked on a business adventure of hiring school buses (besides teaching)? I think he was known as Chipkali!
I recall getting an extra lengthy recess one day: the brass school gong outside the Senior Building mysteriously disappeared and was later found in the hedge. The recess continued until a smaller bell was brought from somewhere. Business Continuity Planning was introduced to the School from this day, the gong was chain locked and a spare bell was kept in the office.
Yes, it was Felix Fernandes who was bopped over the ear by Kancha (I think he got into real hot water after that). Then there was a restraining order on Kancha – he would be seen breathing deep and his cheeks would bloat, eyes would pop when he was annoyed. He had a short fuse or no fuse at all, probably the early stages of an IED being developed. He should have gone across the road to the Yogasharam for therapy.
Dasgupta was always saying: I will keeeek you, if you don’t learn your physics. He always wore different shoes each day (probably lived above the Bata shop).
Mr Gupta, the Biology teacher: sent us to the Zoo to observe the animals and write about them. He was most surprised to read that one of the monkeys tickled its genitals in public.
One student (name withheld) was expelled from the 8 Grade for writing an anonymous letter to the Principal that a certain new teacher was favouring a particular student in class. We were all made to do a surprise dictation test, papers collected, handwriting analyzed, and he was expelled. I feel this was a harsh punishment for the guy. Since he had been identified, and pleaded guilty, it could have been better managed, and he should not have been eased out, but mentored.
The visit to Nainital with Mr Menezes was a memory: The guys who were deep sleepers ended up with toothpaste and talcum powder in their hair. I was sick to my gills on the downhill bus journey back to Delhi. Puke! Puke! Puke! It only stopped when I left my stomach on the roadside somewhere near Haldwani.
Hydrophobia: I was the artful dodger where swimming was concerned: although I was interested in it, I missed the initial few classes of Lockwood (lakdi ka tala and not ladki ka tala). I took guidance from my fellow students who told me to float and leave my hands straight and drift – before I knew it, I was bobbing in and out of the water. Good Old Lockwood spotted me in my dying moments and rescued me. May be I would not have drowned since I swallowed almost half the pool that day. Still I am grateful to Lockwood. From that day I always had an excuse letter from my dad for swimming class (Norman is sick, cold and cough, body ache etc etc).
Let us not forget Mr Corrie (a great teacher) who died in his sleep at his school accommodation. It came as a shock to us all.
– Anecdotes by Norman
_____________________
- Dasgupta saying in his strong Bangali accent “a bhaeby could crawl all ober thees board and do thees problem!”
- Sood confiscating the porn pen from somebody…. and then looking through it himself..!
- A new Mallu physics teacher (I think it was Jacob!) telling us about maximum and minimum thermometers, spelled according to him, “yem, yay, yex, yai, yem, you, yem….and yem, yai, yen, yai, yem, you, yem!!!!!!!”
- Dancing at the socials with CJM girls, and getting paired with a beautiful girl 3 inches taller than me…!! Her brother was a big ladaku guy in Columba’s…. Eric something….
– Anecdotes by Raju
_____________________
HI GUYS,YES MANUEL N IT WAS MISS LOBO,SHE USE TO TALK A LOT ABOUT SEX,SUDDENLY SHE REALIZED SHE WAS GIVING HER TALK TO THE WRONG GUYS & MADE A HURRIED EXIT FROM SCHOOL,YES,MR. VIEGAS,MADE SOME BOYS DO THE SYLLABUS TWICE,BY FAILING THEM,BUT I GOT OUT OF IT BY MY MASTER COPYING.
– Anecdotes by Patrick
_____________________
Veigas had a collection of canes in his cupboard from which he used to pick one to “encourage” us! His favourite one one he had nicknamed “Miss Simla”…!!! Remember that, anybody?!?
The guy Veigas threw the duster at was Patrick Barretto…. he wouldn’t stop talking! And luckily he was a good athlete with good reflexes!!! The duster took a chunk of plaster out of the wall..!!
There was also a story of how Kancha had slapped someone (was it Felix?) on his ear, and he had started bleeding. It seems that Kancha got sued, and never hit any kid again…. just gave those deadly glares..!!!!
Another story of Kancha….. somebody brought in a geometry box full of marbles and rolled them on the floor at the back of the classroom, and everyone started shouting, “kancha, kancha, kancha…!!!!!”
I remember passing out one time after standing in the sun for hours, waiting for the damn fauji general to come for the Independence Day function….. hadn’t eaten breakfast that day..!! : (
– Anecdotes by Raju
_____________________
and you remember how Neeraj used to make a “telescope’ with his hand to try and SEE the board clearly .. and Mutthal used to get hassled and throw the chalk a him !!!
– Anecdotes by Arjun
_____________________
Remember the day we all went swimming at the school pool after play practice in the school pool. We did not have our swimming costumes so we all were swimming nude . Patrick will be Patrick went to the high diving board in his birthday suit and someone put on the big searchlight and there was Patrick pinned down by the beam of light on the diving board in his resplendent dark glory.
Everyone started shouting and the watchman came chasing us and we all jumped over the fencing on the other side of the pool and ran away.
Vivek kakaria, God bless his soul because of his weight cud not jump over he begged me to pull him over and I did so. In the melee he lost his clothes and I drop him home on my bicycle with Kakaria sitting on the carrier of the bike wrapped in his towel with his sexy thighs exposed and tits drooping ……….boy what an experience.
– Anecdotes by Neeraj
_____________________
We discussed the pool affair at length when the group just started. It was one of the most hilarious event in our lives. About you, I remember that you lived a stone’s throw from the school and yet you would be late every day, tying your tie at the class entrance and a toothbrush sticking out of your back pocket.
– Anecdotes by Udayan
_____________________
how come no one is mentioning Yadav(bulldog) our Hindi teacher !! he used to take Patricks ass regularly ….. some of us got away cause of Rum bottles (army families you see )…..
we used to cog our tests while he stood outside in corridor during Kancha’s tests !!
– Anecdotes by Arjun
_____________________
Mr Sawhoo …. he knew a smattering of H(inglish).
Jokes on him were: Both of you three, come here (lol); today my bicycle got punctured so I came walking on my bicycle (more lol); If you don’t listen I will tell Brother Foley to get out (of the class) – (stitches in our sides).
I remember Michael D’Souza (the Military Canteen ran dry after this) giving Yadav rum bottles to change his image of Catholic Boys – believe me, the rum was good and he turned over a new leaf.
Then Mr Bhatnagar (Bhattu) would expect me to mug up the shlokas, Gaban; Guru Gobind Dou Khade, kake lagu paiye ……. something something and I was floating outside the school compound in the distant horizon looking for Gobind, since the Guru (Bhatu) was already in front of me. My Hindi was always pathetic – scored the highest 40% in my entire schooling in the Finals. No matter who tried to teach me, they failed. I gave them all 0%.
– Anecdotes by Norman
_____________________
Swimming was a horror for me too. On the one side there were the class pros diving off the high board on the deep end and on the other side us non-swimmers huddling in a pathetic group frantically holding on to the pool side. Lockwood and Dawoo (was it?) tried to get our heads underwater, hold onto our feet, without significant success. Although these guys were championship swimmers, they had a hard time teaching it.
Yeah those labs were cool, especially chemistry. Mixing stuff together. Unfortunately the really nice stuff like the acids were too diluted to be of any fun use.
Ah, so it was miss lobo, drool… (at the time, lol). It must have been an interesting experience for an attractive woman to talk about “reproduction” in front of a whole bunch of oogly-eyed guys pumped up with testosterone, haha. Pity she left, she was ahead of her time. In that year, sex education was coming up and was it Mr. Jain who was creating a stir by showing some “movies” in the 1st floor of the senior building?
– Anecdotes by Romi
_____________________
the best sawoo joke was ” i will make you stand in the sun day and night”
in the many below mentioned anecdotes quite a bit of over the years miss collatte them all and i will positively give you a lot of feedback.
also patrick what happened to his rubber shit……udyan and peter brown where is the gong???
haha.. all Patrick cud remember was Kabira baitha ped par apna l…. latkaye, jisko jitna chahiye kaat kaat lejaye !!!!
– Anecdotes by Himangshu
_____________________
I joined the fun from 8C onwards.
Still remember our trip to Nainital in 8 where some guy who started robbing the public early in life whacked my money and I was saved by good ol Norman who loaned me interest free money for the rest of the trip.
By the way I’m surprised no one has mentioned the sacking of “VPundit” by Donovan. The threat was issued regularly for two years with all of us wondering what exactly it meant till Pundit was sacked one day. The poor guy had to leave the class whenever Donni entered till the dayof the football match between the class team and the rest of the class. Pundit made sure he passed the ball to Donovan the minute he could lay his foot on it and for this selfless act of his he was reinstated.
Yep I also remember the compass in Gomes bum with the red spot appearing on his starched white pants. Culprit Kay Fong supported by Adolf Burhane.
Also remember Bulldog entering the class every day and asking Raj Kumar Deva to remove his tie and go and buy him cigarettes. Then he would single me out as I was very strategically seated in front and grunt “Pad bhai Pad” and I would have to read “Gaban” aloud almost for the rest of the period while bull dog went into slumber. This happened daily and I don’t think my hindi diction is any better for it.
Also remember Valerian Colaco with all his porn including a pen which you could peer into.
Donni’s favourite “Monday Mornings- for god sakes wake up take a walk in the hills” “Cambridge Question”
Also remember our bus rides home – the ultimate would be when one was senior enough to hang out of the rear door.
well that’s enough sentiments for now am beginning to sound old
– Anecdotes by Santosh
_____________________
I remember one incident in 4C it was: Mrs George was on leave and it was exam time and Ms Kumar from the D Section came to invigilate. Those days, my friendly neighbour – not sure who it was – was busy with a 10 paise coin and created a replica on a piece of paper with his pencil. He then tossed it to me, I frowned at him – as Miss S Kumar (spinster) in those days was very, very tough and had been given the D Section (full of mischievious boys) to manage. Now, nothing escaped Ms Kumar’s eagle eye and she spotted me looking at my friendly neighbour and I was hauled up to her desk. Without a warning, I was given a tight slap across the face which left her finger marks on my unblemished cheek (I also have to admit that I pee-ed in my pants out of sheer fright). The whole class and the guys in the NDPO bus were aghast with me getting the slap and my cheek was centre of attention – the redness spread to the other cheek in embarassment.
Till today I have not forgiven Miss S Kumar and hoped she remained a SPINSTER for the rest of her life: probably so frustrated at not getting a good match so she took it out on the young lads. She would have probably killed her own offspring and also her husband.
– Anecdotes by Norman
_____________________
JUNIOR SCHOOL: I joined Mrs. Aimond’s class KG-B in 1965. The classroom was a tiny building with just 2 rooms and a shed-roof, right next to the school gate near the Church. We used to play with building blocks in KG. That building still stands, though I think it’s a music room. It’s funny how I can recall the name of my teacher in KG, but have forgotten the names of so many of my later teachers. Perhaps this is why the name of your first teacher is sometimes used as a forgotten password reminder prompt – no one forgets it?
I seem to recall there was a jungle-gym and a small merry-go around in the junior playground. We used to play with cotton balls that came from the buds of trees on the school compound. In later years I remember crushing hibiscus “shoe flower” flowers found on church property to try and polish my scruffy black school shoes.
One hazard during lunch time was the huge black kites that used to swoop on unsuspecting little kids and snatch away their sandwiches. The talons were sharp and little hands would sometimes bleed…
Other memories are of functions held at the Jr school auditorium on the 3rd floor. One was an elocution contest in 2nd or 3rd grade, which Rajiv Chandran won with a recital of a poem called “Sohrab and Rustom”. I am still amazed at the kind of talent we have at Columba’s…
In 3rd or 4th grade we had a project to collect snails / slugs etc. I was unable to find any near my home, and remember stealing a snail from the jam bottle of Sunil Godwani during recess. This is probably the first and last time I ever stole something, but I can never forget it L
Around 1969 the obvious craze was the lunar landing. I recall everyone drawing pictures of the astronauts and the moon buggy in art class. By far the best artist was Joe Cardoza…
MIDDLE SCHOOL in the “new building”: My favorite class was art because Mrs Sheila Fernandes used to tell us wonderful stories from the movies she watched – I remember how eager I was waiting for the next art class to hear the next episode from “The Guns of Navorone”…
I think the only time I got a caning was from Mr Menezes, because he saw me mocking him on the stairwell.
SWIMMING – I used to envy the “fish” from my class – Michael Xalco and diver Gautam Paintal who both won several awards. I never learned to swim properly even after 3 years of struggling in chlorine water in the pool. The best I could muster was to swim the breadth of the pool doing back-stroke. I was deeply saddened to learn one of my nicest and smartest classmates in Sr. school , Rajeev Motwani, a Stanford Professor and mentor to the founders of Google passed away by drowning in his swimming pool in 2009. Rajeev was a true math whiz who would always help out his classmates including myself…
SENIOR SCHOOL: I was in the first batch of the newly introduced 10+2 system, and also among the frustrated first batch not to have socials L
We used to make paper-airplanes with messages and toss them from our 11th grade classroom across the fence/hedge into the CJM compound and would get very excited if any of the girls acknowledged us – I think the girls across were a much smaller grade, maybe 6th? ! We tried to look cool by smoking fake cigarettes by rolling up dust from the chalkboard in pieces of paper and blowing out puffs of chalk-dust “smoke”…
Virendra Fernandez, a classmate caused toxic chemical fumes in Mrs. Thomas Chemistry lab by fooling around. Do they still have those burettes and pipettes in chem lab these days I wonder?
I remember Br. Donnovan teaching: “ A droom (drum) , a droom, Macbeth doth coome…” in his Irish accent.
I was always a middle of the road student till they introduced mechanical drawing when I was in the 11th grade. I was Mr. Joginder Singh’s star pupil, and this was the only subject in my 13 years at Columba’s when I actually topped a subject. I guess it made sense that I went on to study architecture in college.
– Anecdotes by Sebastian
_____________________
